Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Regina group
It was a sunny Saturday morning, sunlight glinted off the windows of
the vehicles on the road. The birds are chirping, our family decided
to have a picnic at the beach. We packed all our sandwiches, swimming
costumes and many other things and put it in the car boot. When we
reached there, we saw lots of people. Me and my brother both decide
to have our picnic first then go for a swim later. When we are
eating happily, having a great time, a little girl came to us and she
was crying, as her crying was like a heavy rain. We are shocked to
see that no one was with her. We felt pity for her.
So we walk towards her to ask her what happen. She explain sadly that
she can’t find her mother. Sympathy and sadness welled up in our eyes
when we heard her story. We tried to help her by finding her mother.
After searching for an hour we still can’t find her mother, so we ask
her what her mother hand phone number she told us the number while l
entered the number in my mobile phone. I double check with her: “is
the number 92448270 ?” so since the number is correct, we dial her
mother. Her mother answer the phone and immediately ask “hello did
you see my daughter!” We ask her is your daughter name called Joan?
She said yes, so we inform her where we are now.
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Dear Regina and group,
ReplyDeletethe compo should be in past tense. Thanks!
Yup,I agree with Celest,the word 'inform' from the last sentence should be 'informed' Thank You!!!!
ReplyDeleteBest Regards,
Sheryl Ng
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DeleteI also agree with Celest and Sheryl about writting in past tense.
ReplyDeleteHowever, at line four, the phrase, " Me and my brother" is supposed to be written as " My brother and I".
Nevertheless, I like your story.
Love,
Jesslynn
Thanks for your comments, I will improve on this and make the compo more interesting!
ReplyDeleteYours Truly,Regina
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ReplyDeleteGood story.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very interesting story
ReplyDelete